Previously I talked about the inner feminine and masculine energies, and how they show up in our bodies and in our everyday lives. As mentioned, our wounds, traumas and old karmic patterns can throw these energies off very easily, and that imbalance can and will show up in our everyday lives: it affects our habits, our decisions, our relationships with ourselves and others, our careers, all aspects of our lives. Finding inner balance is one of the most important pieces of work we can do in our whole life, because as within, so without: if we find inner balance, inner union, that is what will be manifested in our material world.
So how do we heal our inner wounded feminine?
Just to name a few, here are some of the behaviours the imbalance can cause:
Over-imagining, overgiving, people-pleasing, passive-aggressive, overly critical, controlling, manipulative, impatient, chasing, needy, shy, overly naive, passive, overly emotional, self-sacrificial, self-abandoning, toxic, attention-seeking, desperate, overly stubborn.
These behaviours are most often related to a deep shame/guilt wound, which is where the lack of self-worth comes from as well, but it really depends on the wounds and traumas the person carries. Apart from that, the lack of self-worth is the biggest, deepest wound the feminine (and masculine) can have. Everything else stems from it.
If you take a look at the wounded behaviours, most of them are related to wanting to control things, most often things that are not even in our control: how people see us, how they behave around us, our environment. If the ego doesn't feel in control, it's going to look for release, something to ease the pain (the wound), and most often we think another person is the answer to soothe that pain. It can show up sneaky, like reaching for our phone to "just check how they are doing"; starting a deep clean at home because "it's messy and it's bothering me"; texting someone to start a conversation we're not even interested in, anything to soothe the pain of "loneliness". All of it to regain control over our emotions and our lives. And to be fair, the ego is just doing its thing, it's trying to protect you from the pain, but that's not something it can actually do, and that's the biggest issue. No one can run away from grief, because we are human. We have to accept it, sit with it, and let it pass. And that's really hard, especially if someone was never taught how to do it early on.
Build inner trust and safety
If you want to work with your inner feminine energy, you have to work on your inner trust and safety first and foremost. That means accepting that you can never be fully in control of your life. Your soul is of Source, of God, of the Universe, and that is the force guiding you. Once you accept that your ego is just there to protect you, but it's not you, that you are a soul being guided at every second, you can let go of the forceful control you're trying to grasp. It's not working in the long run, and it never will, for a reason. The inner feminine is all about trust, in the divine and in yourself. Whatever is coming, it's for your own good, it's happening for you, not to you. No need to chase, to grasp, to control. What's meant for you will find you in divine timing.
Alongside this inner trust, build safety in your body. Being present, in your body, will pull you back to the moment, instead of worrying about a past or a future you can't change or control anyway.
Your body is the home of your soul, it's the one thing that will always be with you. You need to have a good connection with it, you need to really love it, unconditionally, completely. That includes your nervous system: the feminine energy is the nervous system's "rest and digest" mode, so try to be in it as much as you can. Rest when you're tired, instead of reaching for another coffee. Listen to your body, always.
Simple exercises
- Body scan: lie in your bed and scan your body. How does it feel, where do you feel tightness, any pressure? Just be with yourself and get to know yourself. Over time, you'll notice how your body reacts to certain things, and know what's good for you and what your body rejects. If you know your nervous system and know how to manage it, you win in life.
- Rest: rest when you feel tired, even if you have "lots to do". Things can wait.
- Put your needs first: your emotions, your feelings, yourself. That's how you show your body it can trust you, because you do what it needs.
- Talk to yourself like your best friend: call it self-affirmations, or whatever fits. Your body is always listening, and how you talk to yourself matters: words have frequencies, after all. Positive words, positive energy. Remind yourself every day of how amazing and loved you are. Remind yourself that you're safe at any moment, because the divine is guiding you, and your body is healthy and protected.
- Journal: it helps so much with processing your feelings. Just write, start somewhere, and after five minutes your subconscious will take over and the words will flow. The more you do it, the more you notice patterns and habits you weren't even aware of.
- Create: anything you like: writing, drawing, painting, cooking, knitting. Art is how we express our divine essence, when our conscious, critical mind can finally switch off and we can enter flow state and just channel. Whatever comes, whatever you are and want to be. Don't overthink it, creation is about expression and freedom.
Meditation, moving your body and daily self-care rituals help as well. This is how you show your body you take care of it, and that you're there for it. The more loving things you do for yourself, the less you will need that love from someone else. And then comes the question of self-worth, one of the biggest wounds a feminine can have, along with the shame/guilt wound.
Shadow work
All these little habits will help with your self-worth and self-love, but what really helps is shadow work. Get to know your "dark side", your shadows, the parts of you that you are ashamed of. All the subconscious material you buried throughout your life. Those memories that keep popping back up, those moments in your life that make you feel icky, they exist for a reason. They are trying to show you something. The people who trigger you in small everyday moments, who make you angry, jealous, irritated, who make you lash out or react irrationally... all those things exist inside you, waiting to be noticed and loved.
Shadow work is not about finding what is faulty within you, or pointing at your issues and mistakes. It's about bringing what's buried to light, to awareness. To unbury it, recognise it, and love it. Once you're aware of your triggers, no one else can use them against you. No one can guilt-trip or shame you, because there's nothing to be ashamed of. There never was. That part of you that you thought was shameful was just waiting to be noticed. It's all just an irrational fear in your mind, nothing more.
So how do you do shadow work?
There are many ways, but the most common is journaling with specific prompts:
Triggers and projection
- Who do I judge harshly, and what is it about them I secretly envy?
- What was the last thing that triggered a big reaction in me, and what did it remind me of?
Childhood and conditioning
- What did I learn as a child about being loved? Was I loved for who I was, or for what I did?
- Which emotions were not allowed in my home growing up?
Hidden parts
- What parts of myself do I hide from others, and what am I afraid would happen if they saw them?
Patterns
- What keeps repeating in my relationships, and what's my role in it?
- Where am I overgiving to earn love, or withholding to stay safe?
Inner feminine and masculine
- Where do I chase, control or force (wounded feminine, borrowing masculine energy)? What am I afraid would happen if I stopped?
It's not easy stuff. You have to go back to your childhood, to the memories and moments that stuck with you, and start with your parents. The mother and father wound. From there, there's no stopping until the present moment. You will see the patterns, the wounds, the repeating cycles, and you will see that they started way before you were even aware of them. All subconscious, buried stuff, ready to be recognised.
And how does it help your self-worth? You will see why you chased the wrong people, why you overgave, why you settled for less, why they couldn't stay. You will see and realise: I always deserved better. I just didn't believe I could get more. But now you can give yourself all that love, all that attention, all that you wanted from someone else. Nothing can stop you from there. You won't settle for less than what you are able to give yourself. The feminine energy is the receiving one, and that's all you need to do from then on: receive the infinite love and care you deserve. Nothing less.