Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe properly, under the pressure of this. The bond. The energies. This higher power, whatever this is. This unseen force that’s telling me: feel it and see it, don’t run away from it, because you can’t anyway. You tried to, and someway, somehow, it always caught up to you. So I must feel it, and so, what does that say about me now, who has always been a non-believer…

It’s funny, how it went down. So funny that now I’m questioning — who gets the last laugh? Because it’s a funny story, actually. Ours.

But what the hell is even a “Twin Flame” and how come I’ve never even heard of it before?These were my first thoughts when I stumbled upon the first twin flame video on TikTok, roughly two years ago. Because I definitely never even heard of this term. Maybe in a few songs, or movies I’ve watched, but the term itself never stuck with me for some reason. So, what are “twin flames”, and why are we even talking about them? The concept of twin flames can be traced back to ancient philosophies, mostly Greek, Hindu, and esoteric mysticism. But the actual term “twin flame” started popping up more in New Age spirituality around the late 20th century—though it gained major popularity thanks to YouTube, TikTok, and the spiritual girlies doing deep dives during their Saturn Return.According to a Greek myth, humans were once androgynous beings with two faces, four arms, four legs—a whole celestial unit. But the gods got jealous and split them in half. Since then, we’ve been walking this Earth, searching for our other half.

I still feel like screaming sometimes. Curse the hell out of everyone and everything, mostly fate, especially the universe. For putting me through this, because I have to blame someone. Let me blame it on… anyone but me. Let me be the victim just a bit, just for a short while, let me be weak and cry about this “happy ending” now…

Sometimes I come back. Sometimes I visit you.I come back, open your chat, look at it, look at you; your name, on top of the screen. That is you — who you are. And a feeling overtakes me, or a million, and I’m looking at it, your name, and I wait. Wait for you to come online. Just wait, for that word to pop up: “online.”I don’t even know why, but I like to see it, to look at it — maybe because it means that you’re alive. That somewhere out there, you are. You live, you exist. Somewhere out there, you’re living your life, and you’re on your phone, and you’re online, and I could contact you. I could reach you… but of course I can’t. I won’t. Because that is the very thing you don’t want. Because that’s what you asked of me. And that’s… okay, alright, I won’t argue with that.

I haven't seen you for a year now. Even just writing it down and thinking about it is weird. Peculiar, even, because back then I couldn't have imagined what it would be like for you not to be part of my every day. Even though, deep down, I always knew that one day it would end that way. Because we've never been official, never a thing. I wasn't your "anyone." Only a "close friend." Or a "best friend," depending on the day or your mood.