Previously I talked about the inner feminine and masculine energies, and how they show up in our bodies and in our everyday lives. As mentioned, our wounds, traumas and old karmic patterns can throw these energies off very easily, and that imbalance can and will show up in our everyday lives: it affects our habits, our decisions, our relationships with ourselves and others, our careers, all aspects of our lives. Finding inner balance is one of the most important pieces of work we can do in our whole life, because as within, so without: if we find inner balance, inner union, that is what will be manifested in our material world.
So what are the masculine traits in general?
Clarity, logic, protection, providing and giving, action, discipline, structure, boundaries, stability, leadership, direction.
So how do we heal our inner wounded masculine?
Just to name a few, here are some of the behaviours the imbalance can cause:
Controlling and dominating, over-achieving and overproductive, overly goal-oriented, aggressive and violent, overly materialistic, defensive and easily offended, emotionally avoidant, emotionally disconnected and suppressed, fearful of vulnerability, having a hard time taking initiative, building habits and building structures in life, lack of purpose and direction in life, indecisive, avoiding needs, boundaries and emotions, overgiving or undergiving in relationships.
These behaviours are most often related to a deep shame/guilt wound, which is where the lack of self-worth comes from as well, but it really depends on the wounds and traumas the person carries. Apart from that, the lack of self-worth is the biggest, deepest wound the masculine can have as well. Everything else stems from it.
If you take a look at the wounded behaviours, most of them are related to letting fear and the ego control the person. A wounded masculine who is scared of their own emotions can't build a strong inner foundation, can't build strong, lasting relationships with others as well, can't set strong boundaries because they don't even know or accept their own inner world. A wounded masculine often has a strong fear of facing themselves, their limits, their own emotions, their inner shadows, because they are too focused on the outside world, and letting their ego become overly loud and controlling. These are the biggest setbacks for a wounded masculine: not accepting their own emotions, and thus not being able to accept others'. The fear of not being good enough or not being enough, while also often feeling inferior to others. Going about life in a superficial (egotistical) way, only caring about status, career, money, not being able to build deep, intimate, lasting relationships because they don't know how to access their inner vulnerability. Wanting and looking for outside validation, instead of building it from within.
If the inner masculine is out of balance, then you won't be able to focus on your life completely, you will take the wrong actions, make wrong decisions, let the wrong crowd affect you and your choices, and just overall, end up going in the wrong direction. While balancing your feminine mostly meant working with your inner trust and body, and your creativity, balancing your masculine means working with your inner emotional world and logical mind, and balancing out these two, in order to be able to build the life you desire and achieve your goals. The masculine energy is all about taking action, so healing your inner masculine is the first step to being able to become the best possible version of yourself, as in, your highest self.
Get to know yourself, from the inside out
In my previous post, I talked about shadow work, and how to really get in deep with who you are: your shadows, your fears, your traumas, all the dark parts. Shadow work will help you face your darkness, but we are more than that. We have desires, needs, wants, goals, plans, all the human things you can think of. So the masculine energy in you is the one asking you: how can you achieve something if you don't even know what you want? Fair question. So sit down, write it out, talk it out, plan it out.
Get to know yourself as well as possible:
Knowing yourself
- What do I value most in life, and does my daily life reflect it?
- What am I good at that I downplay?
- When do I feel most like myself, and what am I doing in those moments?
Direction and purpose
- What do I want my life to look like in a year, and in five?
- Which of my goals are truly mine, and which are expectations I inherited from family, society or ex-partners?
Structure and habits
- What daily habits support the person I want to be, and which ones work against her?
- Where in my life do I have no structure, and how does that make me feel?
- What is one small thing I can commit to every day, however tiny?
Follow-through
- What have I been putting off, and what is the real reason?
- When I say "I will", do I trust myself to follow through?
Boundaries and emotional safety
- Where am I saying yes when I mean no?
- When difficult emotions come up, how do I treat myself: do I push them down, run from them, or stay with them?
Becoming
- Who do I want to be, and what would she do differently today?
- What would I say to someone who has the same goals I have, and am I giving myself the same support?
If you really sit down with these questions, or similar, even half of them, you will learn a lot about who you are and the direction you're trying to go. This is a first step, it doesn't have to be and it won't look perfect. But it's a start.
Build consistency in your life
While the feminine energy is all about building trust, the masculine is the counterpart it needs alongside it: the consistency itself. Without consistent effort, you can't build or achieve anything, we all know that. Once you've figured out who you are and what your goals are, it will take some consistent effort to get to where you want to be. You can plan that out too, what actions you need to take, however small, day by day, and build those daily habits from there. Start small, because it can become overwhelming (and scary) fast, but small habits always add up in the long run. Your inner masculine knows that: it's not about effort, it's about consistency and structure. And having a clear direction in life, knowing which way you want to walk, is already a win.
Build firm boundaries within and without
Our emotions can become really loud really quickly, but most often, we can't let those emotions run amok. We have to let our logical mind take charge and, instead of reacting, respond in a clear, mature way. That is our inner masculine energy, the opposing force that balances our emotional side: the logical, the clear-headed, the one that needs to step up occasionally and put a stop to something that would harm or hurt us. And that means we have to build firm boundaries, within and without. With ourselves, and with others as well. Once you've really learned everything there is to know about yourself, the next step comes automatically: how do you protect those goals, how do you protect your emotions and yourself? You set boundaries. You decide what is good for you, and what isn't. What you accept and what you don't accept. And your inner masculine will be the force that protects these boundaries. If you really know who you are and what you want, why would you let anyone else affect you or your decisions, and misguide you? You shouldn't. Your inner foundation is so strong and sturdy, you know what you need to do. That's a healthy masculine energy.
Act in the now
The masculine energy is all about action, doing, providing, showing up. So once you know what you want to achieve, and why, don't procrastinate. There is only the present: the past is past, the future doesn't exist yet, so there is only the now. What can you do, right now, to get one step closer to your highest version? The happiest, most fulfilled version of yourself? Let your inner masculine take that step, while the inner feminine is intuitively guiding it. This is when we can become overly logical, start overthinking, letting our doubts and fear jump in and freeze us, and it's normal. Maybe it will happen a few times, or many times, but over time, your inner guidance will become too loud, your desires and goals won't leave you alone, you will still want things, and so, sooner or later you will decide to take the leap. That first step, the first spark, your inner masculine taking the decision and making it happen for you. That is the now. The moment you decide you're ready.
And how does a healed masculine energy show up in the end?
- Disciplined and focused on doing: knows their purpose and direction
- Emotionally aware and protective: is not scared of their emotions or of showing them openly
- Firm but nurturing and giving: sets boundaries, with themselves and with others, and is not afraid to give or receive
- Proactive and responsible: for themselves, others, for their goals
- Logical and reasoning: but also emotionally intelligent
And lastly, be your own safe space
The feminine creates, feels and receives, but she can only do that freely when she feels safe. And that safe space is the masculine. Your inner masculine is the container: the walls and the roof, the part of you that says "I've got you. You can feel this, you can create this, nothing is going to harm it." When difficult emotions come up, a healthy inner masculine doesn't push them down or run from them. It stays steady, listens, and holds the space until the feeling passes. That is emotional safety: not controlling the feeling, but being the one who doesn't leave when it gets loud. And when you can give yourself that, you stop looking for it in someone else.
If the feminine energy is the why, the masculine energy is the how. How will you get to where you want to be, and who you want to be? The feminine energy is the one that trusts in the outcome, in divine timing and guidance, and the masculine energy is the protective energy and the action-taking one, depending on what the body needs – depending on what the feminine needs. The masculine will make sure to keep the feminine safe, and makes logical decisions on how to ensure that creative, lifeforce energy is protected and cherished. Sounds familiar? For a reason. All relationships are just an outside manifestations of your inner energies.
If your inner masculine is healed, in balance, active and provides for what the inner feminine needs, you won't need anyone else to do that for you. You know what you want, and who you are; you don't need anyone else to tell you, or make things happen for you. That is the inner balance of the two energies, the inner union: that makes a person fully integrated, and whole by themselves.