I still feel like screaming sometimes. Curse the hell out of everyone and everything, mostly fate, especially the universe. For putting me through this, because I have to blame someone. Let me blame it on… anyone but me. Let me be the victim just a bit, just for a short while, let me be weak and cry about this “happy ending” now…
…It’s been a year. Of not seeing you. A whole year of just thoughts of you, living with just the ghost of your smiles, your touches, your fire. In one year, we went from being colleagues to friends to best friends to “nothing”. Clean slate, or so I told you.
We are just that now. Just twin flames, you’re just my other half, you’re just a part of me. Physically? Nothing and nowhere. Spiritually? Everything and everywhere.
I still feel like screaming sometimes, when I’m scrolling on my phone unassuming, and you show up in strangers’ videos. I still curse the universe when I see your name on projector screens in random government buildings, when I see your birthdate in likes or calories… I still curse and scream because you’re supposed to be nothing, but everything reminds me of you, still. Twelve months, and the universe won’t let me forget anything.
That’s the divine comedy. And that’s just it.
I tried to get you out of my system for three years, kicking and screaming… but you won. Or the universe.
So now I’m screaming not out of pain, but of love. My best friend, my best-kept secret. My other half, my reason to believe in fate, or destiny, or whatever you wanna call it. I don’t need to see you to love you, but trust me, I always will.
And maybe that’s the happy ending. The silence after the screams. The heartbeat I feel throbbing in my throat as I lie in the darkness and notice that I’m alive. Still. My heart never gives up. And neither will I.